I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you never un-have a 4some
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
