Define "chronic" masturbator.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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