I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
