I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
