If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
