Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
