yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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