yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
