I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
