Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
