it wasn't lemon gatorade
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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