Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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