Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We just shotgunned beers for America
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
