i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
