so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
