me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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