I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
