Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
