i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
