tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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