he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
