how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
