Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
