well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
