Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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