After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
