You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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