Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
