i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
