Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize