What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
