I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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