Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
