oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
