I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
