3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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