I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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