I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
handjob tips. give me some.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
