is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
