You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
