; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
