He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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