Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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