Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
