Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
