I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
