Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
