Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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