just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
