nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
