There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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