Three words: puerto rican gang bang
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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