her vagine was all disorganized.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
