Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
