So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
