So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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