you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
