My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
