Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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