how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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