Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
