do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
