apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
