I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
